just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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