Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
