Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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