Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Randomize
