The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
