So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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