I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
