So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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