I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
