Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
