Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
its liver damage thursday
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
