Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
