Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
