There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
