We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
