Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
me + whiskey = a bad person
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
