One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
