I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
