I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
