THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
