Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
