White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
