there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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