and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
