so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
