How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
