Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
