what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
