Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
