apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
