): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
