I will die if light touches me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
