what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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