Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
