this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
