I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
