I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
