This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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