I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
