Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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