maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
