my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
