My hair reeks of homosexuality.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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