You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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