He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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