I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
