All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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