my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
