Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
