I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
