I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
