when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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